At the second annual There Goes the Neighborhood 24 Hours of LeMons (and our sixth visit to New Jersey Motorsports Park considering that our 1st race there in 2011), we saw many movie-themed teams and our 1st 4-billion-lap penalty on Friday, German automobiles pushed totally out of the upper reaches of the standings on Saturday, and a bunch of teams go property with trophies on Sunday. Here’s what happened.
While cold, hard statistics prove that the Volvo 240 is the ideal 24 Hours of LeMons auto, and several of the beloved Swedish bricks have completed in the best 5 of the standings in our races, only 2 have ever stood at the top of the heap when the checkered flag waved: the Mustard Yellow Volvo Carrying out 45 In the Quickly Lane, which took the win at the 2009 Buttonwillow Histrionics with the most dramatic finish in LeMons history… and the winner of the 2014 There Goes the Neighborhood race on Sunday: the Keystone Kops and their ’79 Volvo 242.
The Kops have been about because the very early days of the 24 Hours of LeMons, creating their debut at the 1st-ever East Coast occasion and the eighth LeMons race overall (we’re now on #117): the 2008 New England 24 Hours of LeMons. They run a 244 sedan with a turbocharged Volvo engine and a 242 coupe with a Ford 302 swap, and they’ve had at least a single vehicle in the single-digit portion of the standings in just about each race considering that they began. Finally, the 2-door “Jew-Wop-E” (so named, in really East Coast style, due to the fact all of its drivers are of Jewish or Italian ancestry) managed to stay away from blowing up and/or obtaining buried in black flags at a race, and the Keystone Cops took the Class A and general wins by 4 laps over the Toyota Solara of Team FRS’s Ugly Uncle. Following 6 years, the Kops have accomplished it!
In Class B, we have yet another Volvo feelgood story: Fast Al’s Race Group, running a Volvo 745 with automatic transmission, had been pursing an elusive class win for years— possibly not quite as many years as the Keystone Kops, but a long, extended time.
Each and every race, it seemed, F.A.R.T. would hold off the Class B challengers by a lap or 2 for most of the weekend, then throw a connecting rod or scatter a transmission or melt the wiring harness (the Volvo 740 has been far significantly less trus2rthy than its 240 predecessor in our races). Then, lastly, the Fast Al’s wagon squeezed previous the other Class B vehicles and stayed there, taking the win by a not-so-comfortable couple of hundred yards more than the Massholes and their Ford Escort. Congratulations, Rapidly Al’s Racing Team!
Class C went to the team DeCuzzi Racing Gulf a Fiero and their ’86 Pontiac Fiero. This auto set down some great lap occasions, managing to avoid the standard Fiero fate of blowing up and requiring comprehensive and time-consuming repairs, and finished P35 general and 10 laps up in its class.
The Most Heroic Repair trophy was awarded to Scuderia Regurgito (Dom’s Racing Team) for repairs made to the thoroughly destroyed engine in their 1992 BMW 325i. In the words of LeMons Supreme Court Justice Matt Adair: “Car is smoking massively on track, they pull over and try to turn it off. It will not turn off. Track goes red flag although it is sorted out and towed into the paddock (even though operating). They end up cutting the battery cables…still operating. They reduce the alternator wire…still running. They cut the wires to the coil packs…still running. Ultimately they cut all the wires to the harness…still operating. In the end they empty a fire extinguisher into the intake and it shuts off. That night, they source a new motor, set up it, re-wire the vehicle, and somehow make it back out and run most of Sunday.”
At times the I Got Screwed award goes to a team… and occasionally it goes to an individual. In this case, Team G-Tron hired a local mechanic named Mattie to prep a trio of matching 1995 Audi 90s for the race. When the automobiles showed up for the inspections, they failed the gear check on many counts apiece, and so Mattie had to be hired to come back to the track and thrash the cars into sufficiently good shape to pass the tech inspection. Then he had to devote the weekend in an Audi-wrenching frenzy to maintain the cars (sort of) running, even though the racers— described by Chief Perp Jay Lamm as “a group of Audi Club D-bags”— hovered over him. For this, Mattie brings residence the I Got Screwed trophy.
For the Judges’ Selection award, how could the LeMons Supreme Court offer this trophy to any group that didn’t race a 2000 Nissan Quest minivan? Sputnik Racing— yes, the very same Sputnik Racing that shepherded the Worst Auto In LeMons History for much of its travels about the continent final year— pleased the judges really significantly with their choice of racin’ machinery.
The Game of Crumplezones Acura Integra and team costumes earned the Organizer’s Decision trophy, for clear motives.
For every race, we develop a unique regional and/or race-particular trophy. This time that trophy was the Ideal Non-Group Team Theme, for this hugely precise “London Bus” built by a group of race spectators.
The leading prize of LeMons racing, the Index of Effluency, goes to the team that achieves far beyond any affordable expectations with a automobile that never ever belonged anyplace close to a race track. In this case, Team Prompt Crucial Racing managed to flog their 1974 Mk1 Ford Capri (number 235, naturally) all the way up to P44 (out of 126 entries starting the race), practically taking the Class C prize in the process. Regardless of what European Capri fans might tell you, this is a single of the worst achievable automobiles to enter in a LeMons race (especially with the deeply flawed Cologne V6, which is what powers the Prompt Critical automobile), and a almost-in-the-top-third finish for this car is therefore an astounding achievement. Well carried out, Prompt Crucial Racing!
Photographs by Matt Adair, John Abronski, Murilee Martin, Kim Harmon, and Nick Pon
24 Hours of LeMons New Jersey: The Winners!
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